Note: Perhaps the most well known heckle of all time, "Kill the Ump!" was first recorded in Ernest L. Thayer's 1888 poem "Casey at the Bat." Today, possibly because of the legal repercussions of screaming a threat on a mans life, the term is seldom used. The majority of Umpire heckles revolve around two common themes. 1/ The Ump is blind and 2/ The Ump is partial. The Professional umpire is not usually within earshot of the bleachers. For this reason heckles must be short enough to bellow, usually not exceeding one line.
Sweep the plate! It's the least you can do Go get 'em, blue! Arf! Arf! Arf! (when the coach's mound visit has been going on too long) Move around, you're tiltin' the infield Do you take Visa or American Express?
You're killing me, blue Can I pet your seeing eye dog after the game? It sure sounded like a strike! How'd you get a square head in that round mask? DId they stopped printing the rulebook in Braille?
Don't donate your eyes to science, they don't want em' Does your wife let you make decisions at home? Pull the good eye out of your pocket I thought only horses slept standing up! Flip over the plate and read the directions Change the ump!
Wipe the dirt off that called strike Sure you don't want to phone a friend? You can open your eyes now! Sit down, bus driver! If you need the money that bad, get a paper route!
That was a strike in any bowling alley You flipping coins? Is that your final answer? Take off that welding mask What's your magic word?
What's the count Blue? Dog Robber! Lenscrafter called...they'll be ready in 30 minutes Open your good eye When your dog barks twice, its a strike!
Next time buy a ticket if you're going to watch! Can I buy you another beer? Eat a salad! Kick your dog, he's lying to you! I bet if you had a biscuit that plate would be clean! Call 1-800-loseweight!
Do you get any better or is this it? You're blinking too long! Do you travel with this team? Come on, MCI doesn't make that many bad calls! Munch! Munch! Munch! The ump's out to lunch!
I'm gonna break your cane and shoot your dog You couldn't make the right call if you had a phone book You couldn't make a call in a phone booth Juuuuuust a bit outside Move around Ump, you're killin' the grass!
Leave the gift giving to Santa! Take out your glass eye and wash it OK....the next call should be ours Guess again, the last call was wrong Who signs your game checks?
Hey blue, do you feel guilty? Be careful when you back up, so you don't fall over your dog If the pitcher is throwing too fast for you, we can ask him to slow it down The manager called, your uniform is ready Your strike zone is a moving target
You're getting better, you almost made the right call that time Punch a hole in that mask, you're missing a good game Hey Ump, how can you sleep with all these lights on If you're just gonna watch the game, buy a ticket Stevie Wonder could see that one
I've seen potatoes with better eyes!
Looked pretty good from up here ump!
I wish you'd have resigned!
Do your sleeping at home ump!
Lets go to video replay! The manger called...he's got your check
Is that guy your nephew, ump? Why don't you get your seeing eye dog to call it for you? Hey Mr. guess! Nice call! Ump, you're calling a worse game than a NFL ref! Nice umpiring, Mr. Quayle!
Little Boy Blue! Your honor! I'd like to appeal that call! 3 Blind Mice, 3 Blind Mice, For a guy that almost works 2 hours a day, you're doing a pretty bad job! Hey blue, if you had one more eye you'd be a Cyclops
If you knew one thing about Newton's law of gravity, that would have been called a strike Hey Blue, try looking BETWEEN the bars on your mask! RING..RING....Wake up call, ump! You couldn't see the plate if your dinner was on it! Wake up ump, You're missing a great game!
Where can I get an application? Shake your head ump, your eyes are stuck! Sure is nice calling 'm safe, ain't it? Blue, you suck! This guy busted his behind running 90 ft, the least you could do is move 10 ft to make a call If that pitch were any more inside it would've ...(if near his gut) taken out his appendix!...(if near his knee) been arthroscopy surgery! Put a helmet on that worm!
(New York) If that pitch were any further outside it would be in Connecticut!
(Subway-city specific) Come on, ump! If that pitch were any lower it would be in the subway!
Just 'cause it's a night game, doesn't mean you should be asleep!
If stupidity were bricks, you'd be Fenway Park!
Those are radio balls he's throwing--you can hear 'em but you can't see 'em.
Reproduced with permission from www.heckledepot.com
Strange Events / Strange Injuries